“Your Dad has Cancer.”
Those were the first words my mom said to me after they got back from getting the results of my Dad’s prostate biopsy. I had called her, returning her call that I never heard come through, I said “Hi” when she answered and those were the words she uttered to me over the phone with the pain filing every ounce of her.
In my mind I was thinking, “OK Lu, this is NOT a death sentence. It is his prostate, not his brain or his pancreas, WE will get through this!” What I said to her was this:
“OK, so now we go onto plan B, you are going to call the University Hospital on Monday and get him in for a second opinion, right? Then we will go from there. WE will fight this and WE WILL WIN. Just let him know WE are here for him and WE love him. WE got his back! Love you, call me if you need me. Tell him I love him.”
Right after that phone call ended I took myself into the bathroom and got into the shower and cried. I cried hard and ugly for a long time, I cried until my hot water ran almost cold. The pep talk I gave myself and the talk I gave my mom had worn off and I was numb. This is my DAD! We had only had each other since I was 6 years old, it has not been nearly long enough! Then, I got out of the shower, got dressed, went to my bedroom and prayed to God. I don’t bargain with God, I don’t make promises with God. I just asked him to please don’t let my Dad suffer and to please let this surgery and treatment work. I ask him this every night.
My Dad is in denial, sort of. He knows and understands that he has Cancer, but he doesn’t want to know any specifics of it. He knows that he has to have surgery in July, but again he wants to know no specifics of it. He literally got up, told the Doctor to tell it all to my mom and he walked out of the room. Yeah, he has issues with aging and death. (smh)
So, today when my mom brought me all his test and lab reports and started asking me questions about the numbers and such he got pissed because he didn’t want to hear ANYTHING. We had to go into their bedroom and shut the door so I could explain all the numbers and all the notes the Doctors had given her; I get that he is scared, but being a baby about it is not going to make things easier or make things go away. I so wanted to march out to him and shake him and tell him this, but well, it is Father’s Day and I didn’t want to mar the day. (sigh) His day with me is coming though, trust and believe that!
As I sat there going over the Doctor’s notes my heart started to sink and I almost started to regret my Degree and my knowledge of the medical world. The test results and the notes were telling me things were more serious than I was first lead to believe. My dad’s prostate is more than 80% covered by the Cancer and parts of it have even been eaten away by the Cancer. The type of Cancer he has is a very aggressive Cancer and only 2.5% of prostate cancer patients get it, yeah, only my Dad. (smh) I didn’t want to alarm my mom, but it was soon clear that she was under no delusions about what was going on; which was actually a relief to me, I mean one person in denial is all i can handle right now.
I decided today that I am going to start something, I am going to start buying my dad all things Iron Man. Yup, IRON FUCKING MAN! I also decided today that my Dad IS going to beat the shit out of this Cancer. How do I know this? Well, because to me and my kids my Dad is IRON FUCKING MAN! Yup.
I have NEVER lost a patient on my shift…NEVER. EVER. In the last 25 years of being in the medical field (of some kind) I have never ever lost a patient on my shift and no way in hell am I going to start now, not with my own Dad. FUCK. THAT!
So, until I can shake the fight into the man, I will be doing the fighting for the both of us. I am not going to sit here and lie to you, I am scared shit-less, but I have been in worse spots in my life and I have walked away like WONDER FUCKING WOMAN and this time I will be bringing IRON MAN out with me! 😉