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Trans-Gender and Relationships…What about the “other half”?

Well, when they tell you to go with your instincts they are right, just go with them and be prepared for what you may find. You’re bound to find ANYTHING but the normal, trust me. This is how my Monday morning started, I trusted my instincts and even though I had thought better of it, I went on and listened to my gut and called my mom anyway. *One thing I should mention right now, before we go any further is this: things that my mom say can and will probably contradict themselves throughout this blog and blogs to come as the story unfolds…I have already learned things today that proves that, but they may not make it into this particular blog but may make it into future blogs, so I just wanted to throw it out there for you in case you started to get confused.*

So. I called my mom this morning for an every day casual check in, just to see how things had gone over the weekend; I do this every couple of days actually just to touch base with her and to fill her in on what’s been happening here on our end. We only live about an hour from one another, but we don’t get to see one another but maybe every couple of weeks (especially in the winter months) so it is nice to keep in touch. Any way, I digress…She asked me if I had spoken to my man child recently and I had not so then she asked if I had checked out his girlfriend’s facebook page lately, which again I had not. I explained that the gf and I are not fb friends, I’m not the stalker type of mom, I figured if and when she wanted to open that part of her life up to me she would friend me…no harm and no foul. Well, my mom says these words like they are some kind of magic spell/bad omen: “I think she is trans gendering!”. I must say that I was a bit stunned, I really had no idea that she was even thinking of doing anything remotely like that…NONE. So, I move my mouse of the screen and find her page, which has enough photos for me to get the general gist of what is going on. She has changed her name on her page to a male name and she has changed her appearance to a very manly look, hair cut into a very manly cut; which I will say is a VERY GOOD look on her. She actually makes a very handsome young man, actually a better looking man than she did a woman. Now, I’m not saying she was an ugly young woman, she wasn’t/isn’t, but she just happens to look better as a man. So, if that is what she is going for…success for her.

Now, this is where the call with my mom gets a bit “odd”. (sigh) I asked her how she found this out and she tells me that she saw something that the man child posted on his page and she followed the link back to “his” page and saw the name change and the photos of “his” new look. OK, so she played Sherlock…points for her. 😉 She then starts to fire off these points/questions at me:

  • How will this all effect the man child?  Well, apparently he is aware of what is going on and he is still with “him”, so I’m guessing they are working through this together.
  • What about having children?  Mom, “He” is still technically a woman and that is between them…IF they ever come to that point in their relationship. 
  • How will he deal with what people are going to say about HIM?  I don’t know. He will have to handle it or leave. Those are his only 2 options, this will test him more than anything else in life. I will talk to him about this for sure, he has to know that a shit storm of ignorance is about to come both their ways and they have to both be prepared for it. I know his dad and I will have his back for sure.
  • Well, I have gay cousins on my dad’s side of the family.  OK. But, neither one of them are gay. Trans Gender does not mean gay, mom. 
  • I wonder how long this has been going on?  No clue. Does it matter?
  • Yes! It’s not fair if she knew this all this time and does this to him like this!  I don’t think there was any “trickery” involved, mom.

Now, to be honest with you, I had thought more and more about the last comment long after I hung up with my mom. That one comment had gotten to me more than the others. Why? Well, what if “he” knew for years that “he” felt more like a man than a woman and had been hiding it? What if “he” went into this relationship with my son knowing that “he” would one day “come out”? Is that fair to my son? Is that fair to “him”? Well, I called my son and I talked to him about this and I was a bit surprised and not really surprised all at the same time at what he told me.

My man child told me that he had a “feeling” for a few months that something was up and they finally talked about it a couple months ago, he does love her/”him” still as the person he knows and right now the gender thing is not so much an issue with him. I get that, I really do. Love is love. That is how I raised my children. Love is Love.

I asked him if he was prepared for the onslaught of ignorance that was bound to come both their way and he assured me that they both were, not that it eased my mind or my heart any, but I have to accept that he feels that they are. No matter what, I stand with my children.

I know that it is quite possible that I will lose friends over this, but then again, were they true friends if they choose to leave over this? My outlook on this is: NO. I cannot make life choices for my grown children, he is an adult and makes his own choices in life and whether or not I agree with them, I will always stand with him in the end. He is my son, my flesh and bone, a part of me…forever. For me, it is that simple. Love is Love.



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